Creativity

It occured to me a few months ago.

If I want to make a living being creative, I must begin to live a creative life first.

So I have been trying lately to do some, cough, amateur creative writing. This is something I wrote just a while ago, and it's actually about taking the plunge into creativity and art, if you can pick up what I'm puttin down.

It's boringly titled "Falling"...I'll work on that.

I am falling. Or at least i think im falling. I cant be sure. 

I cant be sure because its dark, and still, and silent, and all those tools with which I am well equipt to determine

wether or not i surely am falling are useless. But something, some organ of the inner ear, or some imagination 

filling in fearful emptiness, is telling me i am falling. Its as good an assumption as any i guess. Ill work with it

for now.

What before falling? I dont know.

It could very well be that i have have been always tumbling down through nothing, and have tricked myself into 

thinking there must be a before. Or there has been a whole life, memory now erased, which would throw these many 

moments into the saddest perspective, if only i could regain hold. 

Outside, nothing.

Inside, nothing.

I suppose i have the advantage of being blank, the cleanest of foundations, pure unaltered human biology ready

for the weight of experience. I suppose i have the great disadvantage of being bored. Myself is my world, and the

world myself, and in the darkness i have felt my insides churning like machines, and my mind firing like a 

million lightnings, striking my arms, my liver, my eyes, forcing explosions of motion which have no reference or 

meaning in this constant dark, but tell me i am an existance, and not just some portion of the black which has risen

to pretend form and...

A new thought.

What of sound?

There is no sound from outer sources. Silence complete, like a mountain of negative space that is the only 

weight bearing down on me. But could i? Could i create? Tounge, lips, teeth, i have, but courage? Courage to

speak and be the only? Courage to wait for an echo that will never come? Courage to face the joy of some change,

some kill of the monotony? True fear that if i speak i may die of happiness, or wither in despair. To die, what an

idea.

I shall speak.

But what shall i speak? The first of my utterances may be the first of all, the begining of sound, the standard by

which all other sounds may be given value. Should i choose out a word whose weight will equal the power of its 

birth, a heavy word to hold up those others who come after it, and shoulder the weight for eternity? Or a word 

bouyant, which will float forever above all others to come, like a spectre eyes light with wisdom? No. I will

choose a word of progress,a word of constant flow in and towards and away from time. Not an anchor nor a lofty 

witness, but vine which grows and fruits and constricts and gives and takes and is untraceable to its beginings and

undesigned towards its final destinations.

"Go.", i speak into the nothing.

"I will stay.", returns a voice from the dark.

Bedfellows

Excited to be contributing to way cool blog rangedbedfellows.blogspot.com

Thuglife will be my repository for personal, boring, exciting, fun,
emotional, singular type stories and thoughts. And bedfellows will be
for the broader, more cultural aspects of life.

Check me out, bloggin the shit out of planet earth.

it's like when sarah taught me about Guernica,

and i couldn't stop thinking about it for two weeks.

or when i first heard about the hatred and opposition to the New York mosque,

and i was angry, truly angry, for the first time in years.

and i couldn't stop being angry, for...well i still am.

sometimes an event or word or action will get me stuck on a train of thought that, whenever

my mind is at rest, i will obsessively follow down all avenues, and my energies are rarely exhausted. there are just some subjects i dont seem to get tired of.

i was reminded of one of these old friends of mine in a movie yesterday.

a quote in white letters on a black screen, real serious dramatic and all, contained the well used line

"ruined my life."

and ruined the rest of the movie for me, cuz i couldn't stop thinking of what that means.

seriously, to have your LIFE RUINED.

that is such a serious, seriously serious, concept.

all that we can know for sure of our existence is what we can gleam from our lives, and if that is ruined, who knows? that could be it. all of it. a ruined life, no recourse, no new path, all avenues closed, all you have ever known or thought or done now a sad nothing.

freaks me the hell out.

but is a good example of a larger theme which i wanna talk about for a sec, if you wanna hear it, or if you dont, go back to gchat, or fchat, or F***inG**chat. (ha, what?)

We all love to hate cliche, and growing up we believe sentiments expressed in the cheapness of cliche to be cheap in sentiment. but that is so dangerous.

we all have those moments of which overworked, rundown sayings are the most proper description.

and very often they are very dramatic, real life, powerful affairs which we have to keep to ourselves, for fear of sounding like track 3,000,000,000 on the broken record of human experience.

like "it was good to hurt, just to know i could still feel something strongly."

i would never tell someone that, or write it, for fear of looking like a complete idiot.

but i have experienced it, and at some point you will too, sorry to say.

on a lighter note

my friends are more hillarious

NonProdigalPromises

Well, i don't have the internet at my house, its not my fault.

ok, seeing as my house has wires (and many other things, like babies. and is absent many other things, like food), and i have a job, yes a job, i guess its my fault.

but who likes accepting the blame for not blogging?

im lazy, eat it.

...eat my lazy.

.................its delicious.

i have been thinking a lot lately about.

1.sleep

2.basketball

3.friendship

i have not being thinking to much about.

1.future

2.past

3.harrison

ok, its not exactly true that i haven't been thinking about those last three. its just i haven't been thinking of them in the actionable sense, they more flit through my mind like pictures or statues, and instead of making plans or decisions i just let them go on flyin around in there, bouncing off the wrinkles but never making a dent of their own.

maybe someday i will grow up.

i think about that alot, and how i used to think that sentence was real. but i realized you never reach the up, its all grow, and thats fine with me.

what the hell? serious guy in the house, someone make him shut up.

my new job is pretty great, i get to work with my hands and arms and get tan face(which is gross) and just listen to Moby Dick all day on my ipod-phone. i really like this book. Herman is in no hurry to get anywhere with his plot, it just meanders and breaks and tangents for hours while i prune roses and tear old lavender. i listened for an hour while he taught me in detail the classification of whales, and another hour while he preached a sermon on jonah, and another hour on the strangeness of pagan cannibal ritual.

Then i cut a shrub into the shape of a devil whale.

My Leather Jacket.

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you, my beloved friends (seriously tho, no one reads this, im just talkin to myself here) about my leather jacket.

Now this jacket is nothin special. Sure, its got a zipper and buttons at the neck and a pocket on the inside for sneaky situations. Sure it smells like rebellion. Sure it gets all the chicks. But its not alone in the world of leather jackets in any of these regards. No, it is actually quite un-extraordinary.

But it is a useful device to exemplify one of the more important personality quirks I have established for myself in my adult life.

The 40 year rule.

It goes like this... I see jacket. I want jacket. I definitely don't want to pay for jacket. I cant steal jacket. So i must convince myself to either leave it be, or take the plunge into my shallow wallet.

In comes 40 year rule. Simply put, how will this look in 40 years? Can forget it in a box and will my kids find it and think its cool and wear it and think I am rad for having owned it and then to the "this jacket is how I met your mother" and "here son, this is yours now, I want you to have it".

I obsess over this on everything I buy or do. And you should to. It will make your later years much more interesting...or so i hope. Otherwise its just a big waste of time. Great, now im second guessing myself.

My Hairy Son.

Hey kids, been a while eh?

Big suprise, Riley started something and then gave up on it.

But im back alright? And you don't have to worry bout me, I'm doing fine.

First things first, I have made a great discovery for the continuation of this our human race. Whilst giving my dog and life partner harrison his yearly bath today (seriously he hates baths so much), I tried my darndest to free him of all unattached sheddy hair.

As I worked hard with the brush, I came to the realization that beneath my hands was the worlds most magical everflowing well of hair. And im serious. This was gross.

Now to inventing a stinky engine that runs off harrison hair, and boom, humans saved. The end.

It is important to note that the reason harrison got to live his nightmare of bath time is because I have been lately seeing a real human girl, and she has decided that she would like to meet him...soon...and he stunk...

I hope he is respectful and keeps his grubby paws off her. He is always swoopin in on all the girls.

MatrimonyAndCheese

when im married (likely a long time from now, but hey who really knows?):

i have decided i want to live as cheaply as possible for the first several years


let the money pile up

barrels of benjamins, hills upon hills of hamiltons


and then buy a big broken house

and fix it up.

i understand that most girls would balk at such a plan, but there is hope i fill find one who thinks it would be as much of an adventure as i do.

living basically penny-less.....while secretly the pennies are pilling up by the pound.

then never having to worry about some mortgage and interest and bills bills bills. NAH!

owning something!

OWNING SOMETHING! completely.